bitter

i downloaded the exam schedule this morning, and look what it turned out like..

investment falls on the 2nd day of NTC.

there goes my NTC chance for 2009.

i got so bitter when i found out about it, it fairly left a tangible taste in my mouth. i remember
thinking "as if things haven't been bad enough, i have to miss NTC too? the one camp i've been waiting for since J2, since 2004, for 5 years? do i have to go through yet another year explaining to people that i can't do certain stuff cos i'm not NTC trained? do i have to get THAT look from people again?"

it was bad enough to affect my worship, and at that point God all but gave me the almighty tight slap!

who was i to question why God chose to do it that way? who was i to think that i knew better? i can be disappointed, yes, but if it actually affects my worship, am i in danger of putting it before God's importance?

i was so shocked and humbled, it really brought me so low that i had to repent.

so yes, i'm not going for NTC this year. i have a paper that falls on the 2nd day. i'll do my best to attend the next one.

it still hurts.